9am.  I was running in haste to the conference hall when I heard her voice.  “You’re late again”.  I raised my head towards the voice, “it’s the first day, anyway” I said and stopped in front of her. 

She was seated by the bench next to the stairs.  She offered me a cigarette which I took. 10 minutes flew just like the wind when I checked my watch, I threw the cigarette butt and excused myself.

I headed to the conference hall, sat to the nearest available seat by the door.  The morning went by unnoticed.  I was in the room, but my eyes were just staring at the white board, my mind, somewhere else — next to her, maybe?  I tried recalling her name, perhaps, she didn’t give me her name?  Or did I forget to ask her name?  Geez, was I wasted with just one cig stick?

I have always known that I am different, as early as 4th grade, I guess.

4th grade.  At break time or before the afternoon class starts, I’d find time climbing the stairs to the 3rd floor just so I can gaze at her by the window sill of her advisory classroom.  She was teaching the 5th graders.  When I was in 5th grade, I continued doing the same, only this time her classroom was just twenty steps away.

Mothers, they know you better than yourself.

When I started dating at 21, my mother started setting me up too — with a shrink.  During my first session with the shrink, I conjectured my mother knew it before I owned it.

No words were enough for my Mom.

I’ve been in and out from 3 relationships in the next 6 years, and I have seen the same shrink three times, not of my own volition though.

Somehow it stopped… when I moved far away from my mother.

And came a point when she resigned to the fact that I am different.

Cousins, they know you like a big sister.  They are your partner in crime, there’s so much more than shared DNA between (the two of) you.

So you should know by now, that dragging my cousin’s name, does not make me less than a cousin to my Manang Merlu!

Lady Gaga said, “I was born this way”.