(find me) somebody to love…

20200213_143558Guest post by Aliya Agbon

It’s a chilly February and here I am, typing my thoughts away. You’d probably agree that we all had an insanely long January. I don’t know about you, but I’m glad we finally managed to move on to the second month of the year. I don’t mean no hate, I’m just happy to see things starting to move forward.

Now that it’s the love month, my Facebook wall’s starting to get flooded with posts from people who want to find somebody to love. Some posts reek of desperation because they’ve been single for too long, while others have a more cheerful tone. The latter often comes from people who look forward to finally meeting the one, but are not about rushing anything. If you ask me, this is a far better way of dealing with it, than publicly begging for someone to love you.

I know, I know, the universe answers when we “put it out there.” However, I think there’s an element in the formula that people tend to skip. Most of us want to find somebody to love whilst neglecting to love ourselves first. We always look for someone else to fill that gap when we’re capable of filling that gap ourselves.

I understand the longing, the sleepless nights spent praying to the high heavens for someone to love you, the adjustments to catch someone’s eye, etc. I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to try liking things that other people like just so you share the same interests. I know what it’s like to dress a certain way to look attractive despite the discomfort. I know what it’s like to pretend to like basketball just so you and the wo/man of your dreams have something to talk about. Been there, done that.

But I also know how beautiful it is to find yourself and embrace every single bit of the wonderful person that you are, flaws and all. I know how magical it is to look in the mirror and smile because you’re completely in love with the person staring back at you. I know how wonderful it is to be so in love with yourself that nothing, and no one, can break you.

The process is not easy. It takes years of waking up and sleeping to the thought of loving yourself. It means looking at what to you are imperfections and embracing them because they’re part of who you are. It’s facing your inner demons and forgiving yourself for all the mistakes that you made. It’s about being vulnerable, and understanding that that vulnerability is part of what makes you human. It’s allowing yourself to fall deeply in love with yourself and not being apologetic about it.

When you love yourself, finding a partner is secondary. Sure you’d want to have someone to spend the rest of your life with, but while that person hasn’t surfaced, spend a huge chunk of your time doing things that make you happy.

About the author:

Aliya is a blogger, writer, photographer, and weekend wave chaser. She is a proud mom of two beagles and is currently based in the Pearl of the Orient Sea.


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