continuation of   Illusion…

I worry for myself when I catch myself trying to find happiness in the darkest of nights.  I worry for myself when my heart flutters at the thought of that soft skin’s touch.

I worry for myself.

I’m single and happy. Well, at least that’s what I’ve led myself to believe. This is the answer that I give to people who poke their nose in my business.  And even as I give this answer with a smile plastered on my face, I cannot help but marvel at my ability to lie. To tell you the truth, my indecisiveness has been holding me back.

I worry for myself.

‘If you see something you like, you should just go for it’, Paula said in Sophie’s face in an episode of ITV’s Coronation Street.  I say — If you want it, you just work for it or just earn it.  Sigh, it’s never that easy.  I’ve been working on getting this new job, but, I failed… I keep failing… I dunno why… I gave my best.  Or maybe, it is me.

I worry for myself.

At times, I feel like— there is a cruel world out there waiting for me to make one wrong move so that it can pounce on me.  I tried to reason with myself and find the cause of my loneliness but all I hear within is silence. Maybe it’s a truth that I am not ready to confront.

It’s a dilemma since I can’t run away from it or accept it.  I’m at a crossroads, and both paths lead to a dead end.

Sadly, that is my reality.

G.