phantom pain…

OMG my Mama Mia was back!  I must have been busy that I forgot to tell you that she was back in the Kingdom.  Err, yes I intentionally busied myself  to ease my pain knowing I cannot go home to attend the one year death anniversary of my mother which we called babang luksa (end of mourning).

Would that mean, I will be mourning the rest of my life???

I do not know.

I watched Mama Mia 2 last night… and the part where Meryl Streep appeared  left me teary-eyed.   I remembered my mother… and I remembered my Mama Mia in Avantusland.

My heart is sinking and my boggled mind finally had an answer… I used to wonder, how does phantom pain feels like?

It feels like the way my Mama Mia is feeling right now.  She’s out of the Kingdom for a month and when she returned I noticed she was on a gurney, I did not bother asked, in my mind, from a long hospitalization she must have a weakened system.  But when the Social Worker announced that she have had bilateral BKA, I was totally flabbergasted!

Anyhow, I started working on her and started her treatment.  She opened her eyes trying to familiarize herself with her environ, gave me a smile and grimaced “me duele, me duele”, “donde mama?” I asked.  And she pointed down “los pies“.

I covered my mouth in disbelief… the Social Worker said she wasn’t  aware of her amputation yet.FB_IMG_1532735716987.jpg

She still feels the pain from her feet?!?

Ah! phantom pain.  It is real.


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