OMG my Mama Mia was back!  I must have been busy that I forgot to tell you that she was back in the Kingdom.  Err, yes I intentionally busied myself  to ease my pain knowing I cannot go home to attend the one year death anniversary of my mother which we called babang luksa (end of mourning).

Would that mean, I will be mourning the rest of my life???

I do not know.

I watched Mama Mia 2 last night… and the part where Meryl Streep appeared  left me teary-eyed.   I remembered my mother… and I remembered my Mama Mia in Avantusland.

My heart is sinking and my boggled mind finally had an answer… I used to wonder, how does phantom pain feels like?

It feels like the way my Mama Mia is feeling right now.  She’s out of the Kingdom for a month and when she returned I noticed she was on a gurney, I did not bother asked, in my mind, from a long hospitalization she must have a weakened system.  But when the Social Worker announced that she have had bilateral BKA, I was totally flabbergasted!

Anyhow, I started working on her and started her treatment.  She opened her eyes trying to familiarize herself with her environ, gave me a smile and grimaced “me duele, me duele”, “donde mama?” I asked.  And she pointed down “los pies“.

I covered my mouth in disbelief… the Social Worker said she wasn’t  aware of her amputation yet.

She still feels the pain from her feet?!?

Ah! phantom pain.  It is real.

G.